Siddhartha (poem)
TW: mentions suicide
when I was 15 my cousin killed himself,
I was reading Siddhartha by Hesse
After the vigil I finished the book as the candle burned,
Siddhartha and his infinite eyes
that frail man Hesse leaves his friend to find.
I felt inside something I can no longer name
Something vital, now it’s gone.
My therapist said I needed a foundation.
I decided I would
keep my promises,
have intention,
intend to help.
I built a person I liked on top.
It’s 12 years later - that foundation cracked
That boy I built crumpled, collapsed.
A man under the rubble is starting to choke
he cries out and I can’t hear.
I wish Michael got to see sunlight after his storm.
One more dawn to keep him
To get used to the dark.
I got lost in the dark.
I can’t see my hand
Where do I turn to return to who I am?
I lost him.
I gave him away in a desperate plea
please love me